In search of my Self - my path to becoming a Counsellor and Psychotherapist

Welcome to my February blog, inspired by my ‘Therapy Growth’ peer group's exploration of storytelling. We’ve looked at how sharing our own story can help to establish trust and connection and a sense of inclusion, inspiring hope, and belief that therapy can help.

My aim here is to share a glimpse into the why, how, when, and where of my career path and highlight the shared humanity and vulnerability that unites us all.

Whilst I believe in the power of storytelling for relatability, as a therapist, I'm mindful of the importance of maintaining boundaries. So, while I'll be sharing insights into my background, I'll also be respecting the discretion necessary for this profession.

Early Influence – Seeds of Interest

As with most families, mine has had its fair share of unprocessed trauma and loss in previous and current generations. I’m from a military background, where stoicism and a ‘just get on with it’ attitude are highly valued. This meant there was little room to process emotions, and important information was often withheld, sometimes leading to confusion and frustration.

This is not coming from a place of blame, as an adult and a therapist, I understand why my family were this way, I know I was loved, and they were doing the best they could with the knowledge and experience they had then. Their way of being, although not helpful for me, was ‘of its time’ and perhaps had a place.

However, as a deeply reflective child, teenager (and adult!), this lack of space to process challenging emotions, as I navigated some tricky times, meant I often felt dismissed, as my feelings were more often than not left unacknowledged or invalidated. As I grew up, I often felt lost and overwhelmed by negative and incorrect core beliefs about myself and the world around me and developed some unhealthy ways of coping.

When I was fifteen, I read the book, "Dibs - in Search of Self" by psychotherapist Virginia M. Axline. Dibs is a young child who isolated himself to the extent that he was perceived as having an emotional or cognitive disorder. In her sessions with him, Axline, uses non -directive play therapy; he is allowed to do and say whatever he likes in his sessions (within safe boundaries), whilst Axline listens and reflects without judgement. By the end of his sessions, Dibs is empowered to express himself, identify and cope with his emotions, and interact socially with his peers and family.

Reading this book was quite a pivotal moment and a revelation for me as I became aware of the power of having a space to express emotions and it sparked a desire in me to help myself and others facing similar struggles.

It was then that I decided I wanted to be a child psychotherapist and Axline’s containing and allowing way of working still underpins how I work with people today.

Educational and Career Path – Nurturing My Passion

Following a Psychology Degree at the University of Sussex, I moved to London and over time, took up various roles working with children; from Research Assistant at Great Ormond Street Hospital to Playscheme worker and Residential Social Worker in children's homes to Nanny. While these experiences were fulfilling, my sights were still set on being a Child Psychotherapist.

After a while, I was drawn to a role supporting families with neurodivergent children, accompanying them in their transition into mainstream schooling (where appropriate). The concept of neurodiversity really resonated with me, and I wanted to help these children embrace their authenticity in a world that often demands conformity.

Then, in 2001, I took a significant step towards my main goal by enrolling in a Child Psychotherapy course at the Tavistock Centre. However, I soon realised that their purely psychoanalytic approach didn't align with how I felt I might like to work, so I switched to a Masters degree in Integrative Child and Adolescent Counselling and Psychotherapy at Terapia/Middlesex University, which met my need for a broader therapeutic philosophy.

This was a 5-year course and during this time, I had placements with organisations such as Kids Company, Place to Be, and a bereavement charity. This meant going from school to school with my play therapy kit in a suitcase and building therapeutic relationships with numerous children from many different backgrounds who were experiencing a variety of challenges. This was such rich and fulfilling work and a treasure chest of experience for me to build on.

On graduating in 2010, I also set up a private practice one day a week where I saw adults whilst I still worked as a counsellor in several different schools.

In 2012, I decided to return to Somerset and set up my private practice here. I worked with individuals of all ages, spanning from young children to older adults. I slowly started gravitating more towards working with adults and teenagers, perhaps influenced by my own therapeutic journey and recognition that, ultimately, I would still be engaging with the inner children of the adults and teenagers I’d be working with.

Personal Growth – Challenges and Milestones

Part of my MA involved perhaps one of the most profound challenges of my journey: undergoing personal therapy. As well as this we had weekly theory classes and monthly workshops with role playing and presentations and group therapy sessions – I got to know myself and my peers very well!

These were transformative experiences for me; much needed containers for my emotions and a safe space to explore my own psyche. I gained invaluable insights into myself, was able to process and release some past traumas and relationship patterns, and I developed a newfound understanding of and commitment to self-care.

I unravelled the threads of my childhood and relationships with family members, shedding light on the darker shadows of my past and challenging the coping strategies that had shaped my life up until then. I confronted my inner critic, reframing deeply ingrained beliefs, and embraced my unique identity.

We’re all a work in progress and I still dip in and out of personal therapy, as other previously repressed traumas and challenges from my past become more conscious and need processing and moving on from.

Similarly, as a therapist, in training and still now, I have regular supervision. This is a really important non-judgmental space for me to take any concerns about my work and to be encouraged and gently challenged where necessary.

Over the years, I’ve also turned to literature as a source of wisdom and guidance. Books such as "Quiet" by Susan Cain and "The Highly Sensitive Person" by Elaine Arron, provided invaluable insights into my own temperament and offered practical strategies for navigating the world with my unique personality.

A huge milestone and challenge, as mentioned in my previous blog, was joining a running club in my forties, it was way out of my comfort zone but led to me improving not only my physical and emotional health but also provided a sense of community and belonging.

I've encountered a variety of life’s transitions, experienced my own traumas, losses, and intense feelings of anxiety, depression, and anger, at times. These experiences have enriched my understanding of the human experience and reinforced the importance of compassion, resilience, and self-care. They serve as poignant reminders of the fragility of life, guiding my approach to therapy with empathy and understanding.

Philosophy and Approach – Finding my Niche

As I continue to evolve in my practice, and with potentially fifteen or so years of working life ahead of me, I've been thinking about my niche and how to ensure that I attract and resonate with people whom I can best help. I am committed to fulfilling my potential and aiding those who will benefit most from my expertise.

I am deeply passionate about working with individuals who may feel like a ‘square peg in a round hole’—those who feel lost, adrift, or excluded from societal norms.

My heart lies in creating a safe space for those who have never been given the opportunity to express their true feelings or embrace their authentic selves.

People who are fully committed to the transformative process of self-discovery and growth, who are willing to delve into the shadowy corners of their psyche, challenge their beliefs, and reframe their perspectives, putting in the work week after week, even if things are hard or feel stuck, this is often when the most powerful changes can occur.

I aim to create a therapeutic environment where individuals can find solace, empowerment, and ways to navigate life's complexities with resilience, autonomy, and authenticity. Basically, everything I have found for myself through therapy and connection with others.

Closing Thoughts

There's often an urge to rely on tools and strategies to provide a quick fix. While these can be really valuable resources, that I do use with people, I've discovered that true transformation occurs when we're willing to look deeper inside, trust the process and allow things to unfold organically.

When you are open to embracing uncertainty, trusting in your innate wisdom, and allowing insights to emerge in their own time, is when the most lasting changes can happen. It's not about ticking boxes or following a prescribed formula; for me, it's about honouring the unique journey of each individual and supporting them as they navigate their own path to healing and growth.

From the seeds of early influences to the challenges and milestones that shaped my path, each step has led me closer to fulfilling my purpose. If my approach resonates with you and you feel ready to embark on your own journey of healing and growth and are committed to doing the work of self-exploration, I invite you to take the next step and book your first session. Together, we can shine a light on the shadows, unravel limiting beliefs, and embrace your true worth and value.