The Influence of Being a Replacement Child on Identity Formation: Lessons from Iconic Figures

Being a ‘replacement child’ can carry profound psychological implications.

As outlined in my previous blog, a replacement child is born (consciously or unconsciously) to fill the emotional void left by the loss of a previous child.

While the term typically refers to a child conceived to take the place of a deceased sibling, it can extend to other situations where a child is positioned to replace someone else in the family system.

According to the Brighton Therapy Partnership, a person can be a replacement child if they are:

• Conceived or born to replace a deceased family member.

• Born shortly after a death, stillbirth, miscarriage, or abortion, as a so-called subsequent child.

• Born as a surviving twin or multiple.

• Replacing a sibling or other family member later on due to death or disability.

• In the context of adoption, replacing or being replaced by a conceived child.

• Assigned the role to replace a missing person or self-identifying with such a role.

Important Note: Children born or adopted after a death or loss are not automatically replacement children.

Psychological Implications of Being a Replacement Child

Inherited Expectations and Pressure

Replacement children often face implicit or explicit expectations to live up to or replace the deceased sibling. This pressure can drive them to achieve and to distinguish themselves from the child they are ‘replacing’.

Quest for Identity

The need to form an identity separate from the lost sibling can lead to a lifelong quest for self-understanding and fulfillment. This journey can promote creativity, resilience, and profound introspection.

Emotional Complexity

The emotional landscape of a replacement child is often complex, marked by feelings of inadequacy, guilt, or an intense desire for validation. These emotions can be channelled into various forms of expression, from art and music to sports and science.

Legacy and Tribute

For some replacement children, their achievements can be seen as a tribute to the lost sibling, adding an additional layer of meaning and motivation to their pursuits.

Additional Contributing Factors

While being a replacement child can significantly impact one's identity, other factors also play crucial roles.

Family dynamics, cultural background, personal experiences, and individual temperament all contribute to shaping a person's identity.

Despite these varied influences, a common theme among replacement children is the profound effect of their unique birth circumstances on their drive and creativity.

In this blog, I take a brief look at the lives of some iconic figures who were replacement children, to see how this status might have influenced their overall identity formation.

Iconic Replacement Children

Vincent van Gogh

Vincent van Gogh is perhaps one of the most famous replacement children.

Born one year to the day after a stillborn brother who had the identical name, his intense emotional struggles and relentless quest for identity and purpose can be partly attributed to his replacement child status.

His art often reflects a deep sense of longing and existential questioning, possibly stemming from his unique place in the family.

Van Gogh’s fantasies of death and rebirth, of being a double and a twin, contributed to both his psychopathology and creativity. His art can be seen as a means to justify his survival and achieve greatness, perhaps as a way to try and repair his parents' depression and defy death through immortality.

Kristina Schellinski notes: "The idealised-presence-through-absence of the dead brother made him fall in his own eyes. Vincent, the painter, failed, where the other Vincent—dead—would have succeeded… he rivalled against a dead person against whom he could never win".

Carl Jung

Renowned psychologist Carl Jung was a replacement child, born after the death of two stillborn sisters and a brother, who died 5 days after being born.

Jung's theories and explorations of the human psyche may reflect his replacement child status.

In "Memories, Dreams, Reflections," he stated that he felt “very strongly that I am under the influence of things or questions which were left incomplete and unanswered by my parents…”

His depth of understanding regarding identity and the unconscious mind may be influenced by his need to explore and understand his own existence in the shadow of his siblings' deaths.

His work looks deeply into concepts of individuation and self-actualisation, and can be seen as a quest to establish his unique identity. 

Interestingly, back in 2009, I based my dissertation on Jung’s concept of individuation, without realising he was a replacement child. In the dissertation, I discussed my own experiences as a replacement child and the influence it had on me becoming a psychotherapist, but I never made the connection to Jung and his theories at the time!

I will talk more about the concepts of individuation and self-actualisation in a future blog about how therapy can help if you’re a replacement child.

Elvis Presley

Elvis Presley was born as a twin, but his brother, Jesse, was stillborn.

He grew up as an only child with the knowledge of his lost twin, a circumstance that deeply affected him. His music and public persona can be seen as ways for him to fill the void left by his twin's absence and may have contributed to his drive to achieve greatness.

His mother believed his birth as a twin set the stage for his incredible success, saying his destiny was to do great things as he was living for two people.

Some people use the term ‘Elvis children’ instead of ‘replacement children’.

Salvador Dalí

Surrealist painter Salvador Dalí was a replacement child, born after the death of his older brother, also named Salvador.

Dalí felt his deceased brother’s presence deeply, especially since his parents viewed him as the reincarnation of him, (as can often be the case), and he remarked that his “despairing parents…committed the crime of giving the same first name to the new Dalí that their dead son had borne.”

Dalí’s eccentric personality and surreal artworks may be influenced by his replacement child status. His probable need to stand out and create an identity distinct from the other Salvador, can be seen in his highly imaginative and unconventional art.

Princess Diana

Princess Diana, was born after her parents lost a son and her childhood was affected by the high expectations and emotional complexities tied to her brother's death.

Diana's renowned compassion and empathy, seen in her extensive charitable work, may have been influenced by her replacement child status and her desire to connect with and help others could be seen as a way to fill the emotional gaps in her own life.

Donald Winnicott

Famous paediatrician and psychoanalyst Donald Winnicott was a replacement child following the death of his older brother.

Winnicott’s work in child development and the concept of the "true self" versus the "false self" can be seen as influenced by his personal experiences.

His focus on the importance of nurturing environments for healthy development may stem from his own search for identity and validation.

Interestingly, Winnicott is another favourite of mine, whom I quoted extensively in my MA coursework and dissertation, again without knowing he was also a replacement child.

J.M. Barrie

J.M. Barrie, the creator of Peter Pan, was born after the death of his older brother, David.

Barrie's creation of Peter Pan, a boy who never grows up, can be seen as a reflection of his own feelings of living in the shadow of his lost brother.

His literary work explores themes of childhood, loss, and the desire to escape the responsibilities of adulthood.

Peter Sellers

Renowned actor and comedian Peter Sellers was a replacement child born after the death of his older brother.

Sellers’s ability to seamlessly inhabit a multitude of characters in his acting career may reflect his own search for identity. His comedic genius and versatility could be seen as a way to explore different facets of himself and fill the void left by his brother’s death.

Ludwig van Beethoven

Legendary composer Ludwig van Beethoven was also a replacement child, born after the death of his brother, Ludwig Maria.

Beethoven's relentless work ethic and profound ambition may have been fuelled by his desire to fulfill the role left by his deceased sibling.

His contributions to music show a determination to leave an indelible mark on the world, perhaps to validate his existence and distinguish himself within his family.

Conclusion

This has just been a brief look at some of history’s most iconic figures who’s status as replacement child offers a compelling lens through which to view their lives and achievements.

By understanding the unique psychological dynamics at play, we can gain deeper insights into their motivations, struggles, and triumphs. Their stories illuminate the human condition and inspire us to consider how loss and expectation can shape our own paths in life.

There are many other such figures who are also replacement children, click here if you’d like to read more about them.

How This Might Affect You

If you are a replacement child, understanding the unique challenges and opportunities this status presents can be a powerful tool for self-discovery and growth.

Reflecting on your experiences and recognising the impact of inherited expectations can help you on your journey toward self-fulfilment and individuation.

Embrace Your Story

Acknowledging your history and its influence on your identity is the first step towards embracing your story. Understanding that your drive, creativity, and emotional complexity are partly shaped by your replacement child status can provide clarity and empowerment.

Celebrate Your Unique Identity

Use your experiences to fuel your passions and pursuits. Celebrate your unique identity and the strengths that come from your journey, whether through art, writing, sports, or other forms of expression, channel your experiences into creating a meaningful and fulfilling life.

Seek Support and Guidance

Connecting with others who share similar experiences or seeking professional guidance can offer valuable insights and support. Therapy can be a helpful space to explore and process the emotions tied to being a replacement child.

Evidently, this is an area of great interest to me, and I would love to work with you, if you are experiencing difficulty around your ‘replacement child’ status .

Please get in touch if you want to find out more about how I can help.